Some Emails are Worth Reading

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

There is a great need for sarcasm font.

Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the fuck was going on when I first saw it.

I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts.

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

Was learning cursive really necessary?

Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".


Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

Bad decisions make good stories

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and Canada. No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don't win, they are executed.

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

Even if I knew your social insurance number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

- the above was a forwarded email.

I will return to blogging my own material next week...celebrating my Birthday today!

-Life is complicated and far from perfect but it is still great

Goodbye Dear Friend

“I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?”

-Stand by Me

This is a quote that resonates with a lot of people as it seems to be a universal truth.

I like to think of the people I grew up with as friends that held a piece of the jigsaw puzzle that put together the man I am today. Each person who held a piece had a hand in the final product. Even if it was just a small piece, an edge perhaps, if they were in my circle of friends they held pieces integral to this picture being as it sits today.

I look back at those formative years and I may not be cognizant of exactly the interplay that went on from them to me but I do recognize it as familiar. When I see people from my past I have this knowing nod as if to say “Hey it’s you. You, who helped put me together.”

Perhaps that is what they mean in the movie. Perhaps that is why we don’t have friends like that anymore. The picture was eventually finished and became the construct of our very lives. We simply show it around to new suitors as if to say “Hope you like it because basically...it is what it is”.

That is not to say you won’t have great friends later in life. It simple means they aren’t the same kinds.

Some of my closer friends growing up had many many pieces. They helped fill in large gaping holes that were under construction and a work in progress since I took my first steps. These individuals are hallmarks of the life we are living now and will continue to live within us in perpetuity.

I lost such and individual on Tuesday.

We hadn’t connected as much over the past few years as our pictures went in different directions. Life has a way of doing that. Regardless, that young man held so many damn pieces of me his name would’ve been on the box.

For a full decade we were virtually inseparable and he brought vibrance and texture to my otherwise ordinary puzzle. He made me a better man. I challenged him on religion and politics and he countered with character and integrity. Can’t help but feel I was an unfair beneficiary.

Stanley Roy Sinton died Tuesday.

He died from Cancer ...and I can’t help but feel a strange sorrow in losing him forever. I will never again see my friend. I will never again see that little fella with all those familiar puzzle pieces strew about him. And it makes me so very sad.

HBO Killed "Leave it to Beaver"

The death of the Double Standard has occurred and it happened without a single headline or Oprah episode. The only place the Double Standard still exists, is in the minds of men. Which is about as useful as watching the chimney for Santa to tumble down.

In the beginning...men were the hunter/gatherers that carried a club in one hand and a woman’s hair in the other. Each was symbolic of conquests, which became intrinsic to our very beings for almost 2 million years. Right up to about 1998.

For almost all of time men were lauded for their acquisition of multiple partners while the women, who were concerned about stability and child rearing, praised monogamy. Put bluntly...if guys got laid they were studs, while the poor women were branded as whores.

Hey, don’t yell at me. I didn’t make the perception. It is what it is...or shall I say...was.

Two things changed everything. Firstly women have finally gotten near equality in pay, allowing them to care for themselves and their offspring, independent of a man. This equalizer gave women the ability to enjoy the thrill and excitement of freshie tube steak, without the need to find one that would support them financially.

Men were now rentable with no purchase necessary.

The second thing needed, was the green light from their peers. June Cleaver was never going to get some new schlong action on the side and be able to show her face at “ Knitting Night”. A women’s sexual veracity was still not getting the high-five love the men had enjoyed for eons so the stigma remained until a little HBO show hit the airwaves in 1998.

That’s right; “Sex in the City” was the green light and the second ingredient necessary to change everything. Women could now have their cake, eat it, bang it, smack it’s ass...then brag about it with their heads held high. Just like a man.

That show so wasn’t about handbags and shoes. It was a show that said “women like sex with multiple partners and are damn proud of it”. No more guilt and remorse, or looking at sexual indulgence as a fatal flaw. Women joined the fray and there is no going back.

So you may ask what hath the last 11 years wrought?

Trouble.

This is not to imply women are at fault for this new found trouble. It is just calling a spade a spade.

You see, we men have always been whores. We have always lusted after women and had two separate lives like George in Seinfeld. There is “Relationship George” and there is “Independent George”. The first lives in the real world while the other guy lives in “Fantasyland”.

Fantasyland is a place where guys try to make magic happen with random ladies, unencumbered by guilt or remorse...unfortunately...even if he is in a relationship.

Guys who live in the jungle also know the rules of this jungle. We only talk of this “imperfectum” in the company of other men and those other men are often ambiguous to the disloyalty and sometimes even enjoy the vicarious ride.

Fantasyland for men seemed like guys doing what guys do. No harm was meant by it and it’s akin to glorified masturbation. I mean who really masturbates to their significant other anyways?! This was just adding a body. All in the name of fun, kinda like riding a rollercoaster...Weeeeeee! And yes...we men can be that dumb.

So that leaves us with trouble. Women were mankind’s last bastion for integrity. They were our anchor of morality and the last thing keeping us attached to the possibility of something profound and real. Now that they have fully entered the ring with us in fantasyland...what chance does monogamy have?

Look around you and at your friends. How many relationships do you covet? Notice how people are marrying later and later in life? She’s a tough scene out there right now people.

When I look around, I see a bit of a Fuckapalooza going on out there and although ignorance is bliss....those lights at fantasyland are getting awfully bright to ignore.

The World is a Business

Here is this week's "Guest Blog" in the form of an open letter to the President of The United States.

Dear President Obama,

We are at a pivotal time and place in the history of the free world as we know it. I couldn’t have said it better than Howard Beale’s foreshadowing in the brilliant film Network back in 1976:

“I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It's a depression. Everybody's out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel's worth; banks are going bust; shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter; punks are running wild in the street, and there's nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there's no end to it.”

I am writing this letter because I want to do something and don’t know what else to do. I am growing up in a generation of people that say they want change. I think this is a great thing, but I’m sceptical to believe that these same people will be the impetus for it. Remember, this is the same society that needs calories printed on a 1,000 calorie hamburger to know it is unhealthy, that scream at traffic lights to hurry up and change, and that would rather watch American Idol than an address from the President of the United States.

I write this letter because there is only one person that can right the wrongs of this nation. This person is you, Mr. President. You are the Commander in Chief of the free world. You have the podium and you have the place in history. It is time to use it…

CORPORATOCRACY – INVITATION ONLY

Mr. President, I’ve come to realize that the game is rigged and the fix is in. Those with their eyes wide open know that profits run the world and ethics and morals are a mere inconvenience to generating those profits. This country’s Founding Fathers did everything they could to protect the people from the greed and corruption they saw was evident, yet everyday I read a new article that proves that if you’re in ‘the circle’ you will not lose.

It is time to break down the revolving doors that exist between big business and government. The corrupt triangle between government, corporations and lobbyists must cease to exist. This country cannot continue to support the wealthiest, most well-connected people, and leave the rest behind. There must be a stop put to privatizing profits and socializing losses. This game lost its fair playing field status many decades ago.

I comprehend that the political system is about self preservation and that citizens allow politicians to cater and persuade us, but I think this is wrong and it needs to end. Senators vote to build planes that don’t fly if it means jobs to their states, and will cast their vote on Health Care Reform based on perceptions and fears. These men and women have thrown aside the empowerment to do what is right for “we the people” and have made the election of “the most qualified” utterly unnecessary.

The political system is broken. Do not go quietly into the good night, only to join in with your brethren. Look around you and see that order and justice must be restored. You have come from this system, but now that you have ascended to the highest office in the land we need you to rise above and do what is right.

THE FEDERAL RESERVE – THE MEN BEHIND THE CURTAIN

As many (unfortunately not most) know, the Federal Reserve is as federal as Federal Express. The Fed is a private corporation run by the elite, which has zero accountability and has never been audited. Alan Greenspan himself said: “There is no other agency of government which can overrule the actions that we take,” which is to say that the Federal Reserve is above the law. This is the same Alan Greenspan that once wrote: “Deficit spending is simply a scheme for the confiscation of wealth,” which, since its existence in 1913, seems to be the exact purpose of the organization. It is also the same Alan Greenspan that currently sits on an advisory board for John Paulson & Co. The same John Paulson that PERSONALLY made over $3 BILLION from the collapse of the housing bubble. The bubble that Greenspan himself created.

This is not right and you must change it. We cannot have the lives of the people of this free country be run by the elite few that have nothing more than their own interests at stake. We must peel back the curtain of the villains that run the Federal Reserve of the United States (Congressman Ron Paul’s bill H.R. 1207 is a good start). The money that has been stolen from hard working Americans ever since its existence is not only completely unconstitutional, it’s immoral and sickening. Since the Fed’s existence, the value of a U.S. dollar has decreased by 95% (which assumes one is to believe the published CPI figures). Prior to its existence (from 1776 to 1912 (136 years)), the value of the dollar, relative to the Consumer Price Index, increased by 11%. We live in a society where saving actually depreciates your wealth, therefore one must gamble their savings in the rigged stock market in order to keep up.

To quote former President Andrew Jackson (the first and only President in the history to pay off the National Debt and who worked tirelessly to rescind the charter of the Second Bank of the United States):

“Gentlemen, I have had men watching you for a long time and I am convinced that you have used the funds of the bank to speculate in the breadstuffs of the country. When you won, you divided the profits amongst you, and when you lost, you charged it to the bank…You are a den of vipers and thieves. I intend to rout you out, and by the grace of the Eternal God, will rout you out.”

And Abraham Lincoln (someone I know you personally admire):

"The money powers prey upon the nation in times of peace, and conspire against it in times of adversity. It is more despotic than monarchy, more insolent than autocracy, more selfish than bureaucracy. I see in the near future a crisis approaching that unnerves me and causes me to tremble for the safety of my country. Corporations have been enthroned. An era of corruption will follow, and the money power of the country will endeavour to prolong its reign by working upon the prejudices of the people until the wealth is aggregated in a few hands, and the Republic is destroyed."

Along with J.F.K., who wrote Executive Order 11110 to abolish the Federal Reserve (which Lyndon Johnson rescinded after he took office), these great men feared the corruption that was taking place and they were up to the task to try to stop it. I don’t have to tell you how some of their stories ended.

Mr. President, I want you to be up to that same task. You promised change for the better, but until you change this, the U.S.A. will never resemble the foundation that once made it the greatest country on Earth. To the Commander in Chief of the United States of America, Mr Greenspan’s words should be empty rhetoric. Take back the reigns and let everyone know that you sir, can “overrule” and return the Country of our Founding Fathers.

THE REVOLVING DOOR

In my opinion, most politicians these days are not politicians for the right reasons. These people are not in government for OUR best interest, they are there for THEIR best interests (and maybe their country club buddy’s interest as well). There are no watch dogs anymore, only lap dogs. And not only this, but when one examines where these politicians come from and where they end up after office, one sees a fairly common theme. Working in Washington is a way to write your own lottery ticket, for you have gained access to the knowledge, power and influence of what makes the profit world go round.

Matt Taibbi (writer for Rolling Stone magazine) recently identified numerous examples of this revolving door between just one company (Goldman Sachs) and Washington. (Some of the words below were pulled directly from his article). George Bush's last Treasury secretary, Henry Paulson, was the former Goldman CEO. Robert Rubin, Bill Clinton's former Treasury secretary, spent 26 years at Goldman. Joshua Bolten worked at Goldman before he was Bush's Chief of Staff during the bailout, and Mark Patterson is the current Treasury Chief of Staff. He was a Goldman lobbyist just a year ago. The heads of the Canadian and Italian national banks are Goldman alums, as is the head of the World Bank, the head of the New York Stock Exchange, and the current head of the Federal Reserve Bank of New York — which, incidentally, is now in charge of overseeing Goldman. Lastly, since Barney Frank is the Head of the House Financial Services Committee, it is no surprise to hear that Goldman Sachs just hired a former staff member of his to make sure they can push Barney’s buttons. I think you get the point. And this is just one company (albeit, the King of them all).

To continue to pick on Goldman: While they received tens of billions of dollars from taxpayers over the last year, their CEO pulled in $42.9 million in compensation in 2008. Not exactly chump change! But at least Goldman is generating tax dollars for Americans as a result of their large profits right? Not so. Their 2008 tax bill…$14 million. That’s right, million, not billion. A 1% rate at that.

And my last piece on Goldman would be to direct you to a recent article in the New York Times titled “Stock Traders Find Speed Pays, in Milliseconds.” It recently came to my attention that firms such as Goldman can actually pay money to co-locate their servers right next to a stock exchange server (e.g., NYSE). Then their lightning fast supercomputers can actually front-run trades within 0.03 seconds, earning them millions of dollars in the process. Call it another coincidence, but as I mentioned above, the head of the New York Stock Exchange previously worked at Goldman. If this isn’t a clear example of different rules for different players, I don’t know what is.

A blatant example of the Wall Street Mafia is Lawrence Summers, your current Director of the National Economic Council. Am I supposed to believe this is a man that is going to help fix this corrupt system? By hiring this man you are going to the disease and asking for the cure. Summers personally received hundreds of thousands of dollars in speaking fees from major financial institutions last year, in addition to the $5.2 million he made by working with a hedge fund (DE Shaw). This is the same guy that dismantled the Glass-Steagall Act, which by breaking down the walls between commercial banks and investment banks (i.e., allowing commercial banks to enter much riskier businesses), contributed greatly to this economic mess we are currently in.

As someone that works in the financial community I am well aware of the rules around insider trading. With this knowledge, it was a complete shock to me to find out that members of government do not abide by these same rules, despite the fact that their knowledge is the exact definition of inside information. Not just inside information, but game-changing inside information. How can we expect politicians not to be corrupt if they have a golden carrot dangled in front of them? A very interesting study published in the Journal of Financial and Quantitative Analysis showed that US senators' personal stock portfolios outperformed the market by an average of 12 percent a year in the five years to 1998. This is Warren Buffett-like returns. These guys may be smart, but they are not Warren Buffett. I do not want them unloading shares when they know a piece of legislation is going to kill a company or an industry, while simultaneously purchasing shares of the beneficiary of that same bill.

I know it is not realistic to think that we can completely rid the system of all its corruption, but we’ve got to at least try. The current system we live in actually breeds corruption. This revolving door must be closed and the triangle between politicians, CEOs and lobbyists has to be broken.

REMEMBER WHAT BROUGHT YOU HERE

President Obama, this is the only part of this letter where I’m going to challenge some of your actions to date. To take a direct quote from you on the campaign trail: “I don't take a dime of their [lobbyist] money, and when I am president, they won't find a job in my White House.” These were great words, and words that we all wanted to believe. Unfortunately, you have not stuck to these words.

William Lynn, the number two guy at Department of Defense was formerly a lobbyist for Raytheon (a major American defense contractor). Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner’s Chief of Staff, Mark Patterson, was formerly the top lobbyist at Goldman Sachs. Wall Street lobbyist Leon Panetta now runs the CIA. And Tom Daschle, who was a top lobbyist for health care firms, was your first choice to run the Department of Health and Human Services. Of course he later had to withdraw his name after it was uncovered that he failed to pay his taxes (something Treasury Secretary Geithner also did). These are just the examples that I could easily find.

Regarding this country’s endless pursuit of war, you first said that if you were elected you would immediately withdraw troops from Iraq. However, you quickly changed your stance on that and have been quoted saying that you will leave 50,000 troops there indefinitely. The U.S. military is currently deployed in over 150 countries. It’s no wonder people don’t like Americans – they are the demanding, arrogant house guest that not only won’t leave, but will ruin the place during their stay. And I rhetorically ask myself, would the United States ever allow this in reverse?

The government spends almost $800 billion per year on defense and currently has 1.5 million Americans on active duty. The amount of money being spent on these wars could not only give everyone health insurance here, but discontinuing these wars could also help repair this nation’s tarnished image as the bully on the school yard, not to mention save countless lives.

On the campaign trail you vowed to immediately close Guantanamo. Not only have you not closed it yet, your staff just delayed closing it another six months. Does it really take a year and a half to figure out how to handle 250 prisoners? Cut through the politics and get this done, Mr. President. The fact that your Order continued to allow rendition, which the LA Times called “secret abductions” is frightening. What message are you sending America’s enemies by continuing these illegal policies?

And lastly, just like the first bailout you signed, Congress wasn’t even given enough time to read the 1,000+ page Stimulus Bill. During your campaign you pledged to wait five days before a bill could be voted on, so Congress and the public would have time to read it. These bills were so important that you had to break these rules, yet you took a three day vacation before signing it.

Mr. President, I do not raise these issues to show opposition to you and your policies. I do so because tens of millions of people voted for you based on the words you used in your campaign and the conviction they thought they saw in you. You were not the corrupt politician that was part of the old boys club.

THE TIME IS NOW

We have seen many times that the more money and power the government has, the more power it will abuse. I am not asking you to take away the freedoms that this country was founded upon, but I am asking you to take away these free passes that are given to the true ruling elite. Government cannot continue taxing its citizens, both openly (through direct taxation) and discretely (through inflation), to pass along profits to the elite few.

Allow me to leave you with a quote that came out of your own mouth, Mr. President. “If the people cannot trust their government to do the job for which it exists - to protect them and to promote their common welfare - all else is lost.”

Mr. President, it feels to me like some are more equal than others, and I do not think I’m alone with this thought. I did not write this letter to accuse you of anything, nor to deny your good intentions. I sincerely believe that you are the only one who can change this. While your phrase “Yes we can” spirited millions, the truth is the catchy phrase must be amended to say that yes YOU can. YOU are the man for the job, and you are a man I think (and hope) wants that job.

You are a man at the crossroads of history. I believe you know there is something “rotten in the state of Denmark” and when I see you look at your two little girls, I also believe you know it is up to you to do something about it. Do not squander this opportunity to right the wrongs. Side with those who toil by the light and do not tolerate those who cheat them. This is about you standing up for us and saying “I am mad as hell and I’m not going to take this anymore.”

Corruption has overtaken this country and you, Mr. President, need to take it back. It surrounds you and every politician. They have lined the hallways and pockets to power. They have infiltrated the backrooms and were given a seat at the table. This will not take half measures or compromise. It will take conviction and resolve. You are the Commander in Chief of the free world. You have the podium and you have the place in history. You have a chance to right these wrongs. Be that man Mr. President. Use this chance, for all of us.

Respectfully,

Joe Bubel