Thursday, April 2, 2009

Money in the Mirror

Ever bought a lottery ticket and waxed about spending the winnings on family and friends? A house here, a car there sort of stuff. Good clean fun. However allow me to evoke John Lennon so we can imagine something better. What if we had “Richest People in the World” kind of money? Big money. $50 Billion club big. This isn't Fantasy Island lore either, people really posses this kind of wealth so let's spend some real dough-re-mi.

- Build a 50 room Five Diamond Hotel for you and your peeps on the water here in The Bear (aka Barrie). We'll want every bathroom dripping in marble, every wall adorned in plasma and every room beckoned by a balcony. Cost $75M.


-Personal airport with four custom tailored G5’s on constant stand-by to whisk you and said posse (not the headband, ball cap askew kind) south. Airport line ups are for the unwashed masses and a thing of the past for us. Cost $125M.

And guess where we are going?

-Our own private Island resort. 50 Rain Man suites, Championship Golf Course/ Spa, awe-inspiring views of crisp blue oceans and fine cuisine await. Cost $300M.

Entertainment? You got it!

- NFL Team Owner has a dulcet tone to it. I don’t know about you but Skyboxes and Jumbotrons on a Sunday smells like victory in the morning to me. Cost $1B. (Feel free to insert your own personal peccadillo here).

-Methinks Producer of the most expensive movie ever made is resume worthy. Let's cast our favorite actors so we can hangout and fame whore a wee bit. Maybe a Will Smith/Tommy Hanks joint with some cameo work from Leo and a Clooney/Pitt/Jolie combo. A new Rat Pack will emerge. Cost $400M

-Being this rich you have access to anyone you like. Fascinating dinner party guests will help you wile away all those free nights. Round up the Obamas, Lettermans, Anistons, Becks, Mannings, Madonnas, Victoria Secret glide ponies, whomever. $2M a week walking around money should suffice in keeping the Champagne flowing.

-Going to need a World’s Largest something. I’m going with Yacht. At 500 feet it’ll have two helicopters, hot tubs, pool, launch boats and a submarine...cause why wouldn’t you have a submarine?! It’ll look something like this
http://www.doxtop.com/fullscreen/flash/content.aspx?pd=d01e646d but bigger and better of course. Cost $400M

Tab thus far is a paltry $2.4 Billion, if both our movie and football franchises tank. Actually make it $2.5B. Going to buy every dream car I’ve ever wanted too, or at least 30 of them if they average only $300,000 each. That is a lot of Ferraris.

Add on a rainy day fund and cash to keep everything ship shape for a couple decades...call it another $2.5B and that leaves us with *gulp* ...$45B left to spend!

Jesus we’re just not thinking big enough...

Ok let us try and cure Cancer. We need to look at our lovely surgery enhanced faces in the mirror after all. Build a state of the art facility, SkyDome was $500M so we’ll spend twice that. Hire 1000 of the greatest scientists/doctors and give them all annual salaries of $1M and with that payroll you’ll run out of money.....in 44 years. The attempt alone will get you on Larry King. Plus it makes a great epitaph. “Here lies someone who tried to cure Cancer! What the hell did you do?”

Hmmmmmm......

Makes you wonder what drives people to amass and hoard personal wealth like this in a world where 17,000 children die every day from starvation. All that innocence dying on such a staggering scale because they didn’t have something as simple as bread and water...

We all share in the guilt to some degree as none of us are living as Friar Tuck with a rope for a belt. We buy the iPods and designer clothes as others die. However is there a line in the sand or a mercy rule to this game and should we wonder how much horsepower and square footage is appropriate in the face of such reality? Surely some have shamefully ignored any existence of a line, a rule or even an almighty score keeper and perhaps their indecency has crossed into obscenity. Perhaps we can't have it both ways. Therein lies the rub.


See ya next week top of the food chain!

-Life is complicated and far from perfect, but it's still great.

4 comments:

  1. Best yet bud…best yet. Cheers!

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  2. Good job kevin, always making me think! (ohhh nooo..lol..)
    If only that hotel in 'The Bear' really did exist :P

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  3. Looking forward to next week KING.

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  4. I believe I just found the venue for our next charity concert...

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