I recently had a birthday. Not a huge fan of being reminded that behind the minutiae and distractions of day to day life lies the fact that life has an end and we are all moving inexorably towards it.
That sounds a wee bit dour but it is a nice reminder to carpe diem (seize the day) for there will come a time that the end of days will seize us.
I was struggling with just such a concept on my 27th birthday a few years back. I was with my friends Druxy and AdRock and after many celebratory libations for yours truly, we went out in Druxy’s boat late that night to float on the placid waters of Kempenfelt Bay.
It was a beautiful warm and breathless August night, the kind of night that is so very rare in this neck of the woods. The moon was nigh, casting a glimmering streak on the expanse of water leading to our craft akin to an illuminated runway back to shore.
And there we floated.
We floated and talked about the future that lay before us and how we could best navigated our paths to capitalize on all that is best in this ephemeral life.
We came to the conclusion that happiness was the ultimate goal.
I know, not exactly a shocking revelation. However, so often in life we get the goal but miss the point as we did that night. We took happiness as the imperative to be treated as a quest against a callous external world.
I think this is the nexus to “mid-life crisis”. Generally speaking we educate ourselves to enter the work force and accumulate wealth. We meet a girl/boy, settle down, buy a house, have 2.1 children, a dog, 2 cars and vacation in the temperate south.
On the way along that journey we still have hope of attaining each covetous goal and this sustains us. Perhaps the problem is we get to the end and have accomplished the goals set before us by society and we still don’t feel happiness. We wonder if we missed something. Did we not do as expected and should we not be content...happy?
I think middle aged angst that manifests itself in the indulgence of youthful whims is simply confusion run amok.
In the movie “Dead Poets Society”, Ethan Hawke’s character recites his poem feverishly as his teacher clasps his hand over his eyes. Here is that poem.
"I close my eyes and this image floats beside me
The sweaty-toothed madman with a stare that pounds my brains
His hands reach out and choke me
And all the time he's mumbling
Truth, like a blanket that always leaves your feet cold.
You push it, stretch it, it will never be enough
Kick it beat it, it will never cover any of us.
From the moment we enter crying, to the moment we leave dying,
it will just cover your face
as you wail and cry and scream."
It’s the blanket metaphor that defines life for me. It is never going to fit just right. If our right shoulder gets cold we pull the undersized blanket over it, only to expose our left foot. It works temporarily but it is not enduring and the discomfort has merely spread to another location.
This brings us back to happiness. We spent hours trying to define it in that night of floating.
We knew we aspired to it and wanted our lives to embody meaningful clichés such as “love what you do”, however how many people do you know that have a job they love going too? Or a perfect relationship? No money woes? Content with their appearance?
The answer to attaining happiness is not definable and not universal. It may be quite different to each of us on that boat, as it may be with you who are reading this. The outside world pushes back on each of us in different ways, at different times and will continue to do so. I wish I had a dénouement to this blog...an answer with a nice bow or a promise of a bigger blanket. I do not. I therefore leave you with hope.
“The basic thing is that everyone wants happiness, no one wants suffering. And happiness mainly comes from our own attitude, rather than from external factors. If your own mental attitude is correct, even if you remain in a hostile atmosphere, you feel happy.”
-DL
Perception is reality once again.
-Life is complicated and far from perfect but it is still great.
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