The Original Six

I think maybe it’s time to tell a little bit about the people behind your friendly neighbourhood bar known as THE BANK.

Jim Garland, aka SPARTY, is the Big Kahuna running the show and is the man responsible for making every night a great night. SPARTY got his nickname because when I first laid eyes on him I thought Kirk Douglas in “Spartacus” minus the trident and the oiled up body. That would be just weird if I actually pictured him all oiled up...not that there is anything wrong with that if there are guys that do. I’m not here to judge people. If you like broad shoulders and a great smile who am I to say nay. Have at it.

SPARTY used to run Manhattans and has been in the bar business for 82 years. Ok ok, he’s barely 30 but he’s been drinking since he was wearing pyjamas with feet so he was the logical choice to lead this band of brothers. Honest and charismatic he’s our own downtown movie star minus the huge house, awesome cars, Clooney-esque looks, acting talent of any sort...now that I think about it...he’s just a big likeable guy living in Barrie.

Little Known Fact: Clotheshorse.

Casey Green, aka CAPTAIN AWESOME, is SPARTY’s right hand man and is the quiet one. Let’s think of him as Contemplative Smurf. You know the type, he plays it close to the vest so you have no clue how fast the hamster is running. CAPTAIN got his nickname the old fashioned way; he earned it. Hmm now that I think of it, he gave it to himself. However, I’ve never heard someone dispute the nickname so it’s good enough for me!

He too came from Manhattans and now our boy in his late 20’s owns part of the sexiest bar in Barrie. You’ll find him running around in a fashionable jacket on a Saturday night making magic happen or on off days with a snowboard/mountain bike strapped to his back and a smile tattooed across his face.

Little Known Fact: Albino white on the dance floor.

Mike Denischuck, aka HEY MIKEY, is the fun bobby mascot that everybody wants to be around. I don’t think this guy has a bad bone in his body. And yes people, I get the connotation and I’m sticking with the cliché. HEY got his nickname from that commercial for “Life” cereal many many moons ago. The one where the little kids are worried about tasting the new cereal so they give it to tiny Mikey who gulps it down with a smile leaving the kids to exalt ,“He likes it! Hey Mikey”.

That my friend is our HEY MIKEY, always there with a smile and positive input, the infectious little bugger. No connotation that time. He’s also the youngest (mid 20’s), but he’s had chest hair and smoked since the sandbox so it really is tough to believe the ID.

Little Known Fact: Likes rocking the Tony Soprano velour jump suits.

Andre Denischuck, aka TAMPA BAY, is mellow SPARTY in glasses. He’s HEY MIKEY’s big brother and I believe he is so laid back due to all the crap he shoved down HEY’s throat over the years. Settle people. TAMPA does most of his work in front of the bar and leaves the heavy lifting to the rest of the Barrie Boys. His nickname came from a beach vendor trying to get the attention of the Buccaneer Jersey wearing Andre and he was clearly proud of his vast inventory as he bellowed “Tampa Bay! Got it!”

Little Known Fact: Italian Gesticulator. See “redundant” in the dictionary.

Chris Drury, aka DRUXY, is officially the quietest of the bunch. Jesus writing this you gotta wonder why these fellows are so interested in giving all of us such a great time. I’ll go with “Vicarious Living” for $200 please Alex. DRUXY grew up in the historical home of E.C Drury, past Premier of Ontario. Yep his Great Grandfather used to have Dalton McGuinty’s job and his Great Great Grandfather was the first Minister of Agriculture. Pretty cool stuff.

Now DRUXY is the oldest of the group (roughly) while still in his 30’s and he didn’t get his nickname from the sandwich shop. His came from the Lee Major’s TV show Fall Guy. They had this great baritone voiceover before each commercial break that said “Fall Guy will be back after these messages”. We used to say “DUR BOX will be back after these messages” and that of course truncated to DRUX which later expanded to DRUXY. Perfectly reasonable.

Little Known Fact: Shot gunned his first beer in 2009.

Kevin Bubel, aka THE KING, is the shy, quiet guy writing his little heart out. Now let me explain the nickname as it causes me great grief. I wasn’t the most well off kid growing up (not that I’m complaining Maw!). I was the standard 15 year old weighing the proverbial 97 pounds with a strong affinity for Elvis Presley. You know that guy. Alright maybe you don’t so I’ll digress.

Well that was me and I took a liking to calling myself The King of Rock n Roll, and when you are all ankles and wrists wearing 2 stripe rugby pants because the 3 stripe Adidas were too pricey, everyone gets the joke.

I’m not much bigger today and I no longer wear rugby pants, but I sure like seeing those close to me happy. Growing up that skinny kid had a hard time fitting in with the public school masses and would’ve loved a bit more camaraderie, so it makes me very proud that THE BANK has been such a success for 5 great young guys.

Little Known Fact: Have you not been reading these Blogs?

The rest of the staff is the best group of people ever assembled in a bar (and I’m not just saying that). Rob King and the boys do a super human job of keeping everyone safe. Henne, Skitz and Unce Bear bring the noise and keep the party sharp. Connor Love and crew have turned out a menu that rivals the best clubs in Vegas, NY or LA. Teener, Hipster and the other knee achingly beautiful faces have brought a new level of customer service that people in this town have been missing and deserve. Excuse my effusion...guess I’m proud of everyone!

See ya next week top of the food chain!

-Life is complicated and far from perfect, but it's still great.