In this first blog I want to address how technology is undermining the inflection and nuances of speak with the primordial base grunts and moans of the horny masses, reducing us to monosyllabic morons. Lying horny masses at that. I mean how many times have you actually laughed when you wrote LOL? Oh well screw it. Half it's just smack talk and we have no time for Shakespeare.
MSN was the origin of species. However MSN was too long winded for the quick connect itch and people just aren’t that witty for 20+ exchanges. We certainly grew weary of the ubiquitous Smiley Face as a complete response. Factor in the obligatory “Hey” every time you go online from people you no longer want to talk to and this trend needed an upgrade.
Enter Facebook (AKA the greatest relationship creator and destoyer ever created...Fuckbook if you will) with profiles you can anonymously creep at your leisure and we have a new winner. There are 175 million users with almost a Billion photos and the average user has 120 friends. 120...Rookie.
Got a fresh add? Go right to the photo albums....Hmmm let’s see....Cuba trip’09...that should have the kind of shots you are looking for. Check info next. Favorite movie is Waterboy and favorite TV show is Jerry Springer. Hmmm this one is not a rocket builder I suspect, probably not too adept at even drawing a rocket actually. They better be exceptionally hot before you send out some innocuous pleasantry to spark up convo. Reminds me of a story...
I was checking out a beautiful baby at the bar one night years ago and another young lady approached to inform me that the object of my attention worked at a "Video Store" in a hush tone as if conveying a dirty little secret. My response "So?".
Texting is now part of our very existence. No more talking and exchanging inane platitudes before we get to the point. The very mode makes it clear that we haven't time to be superfluous. After all we need to organize all of our cool friends and get to the bar as drunk texting awaits!...and if that texting gets out of hand, a quick :) with an LOL the next day will cover your shame before you even roll out of bed. What a glorious and wondrous time to live.
See ya next week top of the food chain!
-Life is complicated and far from perfect, but it's still great.
Love it Kevin....Genius....!!
ReplyDeleteon a similar, but slightly different note...cellular phones have also made some of us retarded. I don't even have one, and I can recite the phone number of just about everyone I talk to with any regularity, and a few that I haven't dialed in god knows how long. I called my aunt the other day for the first time in probably 2 years and just picked up the phone and dialed like I had called there yesterday. try that Blackberry bitches! good luck...
ReplyDeleteif I'm crazy, then let me just ask you this...how fucked-up does your life become if you lose your phone? again, I'm not talking from personal experience here, but I've been around people who have "misplaced" their phones and it's like a mother losing her kid in the mall...sobbing, panic and hysteria.
it's times like these I'm embarrassed to be human. maybe we need to disconnect before we can reconnect.
no matter...eventually we'll become so dependant on technology that it will just take over and our decendants can spend generations fighting the robots.
Wow, a lot covered in that rant - great piece! It's amazing, technology is really a way to a "better life", but one day we're going to wake up (some of us have, uncie bear and kev) and realize we're not using it like we should/could be. Uncie Bear, you nailed it...people can't remember last names, phone numbers, directions, you name it.
ReplyDeleteHere's a thought I had: You know how kids are extremely inquisitive and ask a million questions to their parents? Well, the lucky ones will have well read, intelligent parents, but most kids will get a blank stare from their mom or dad, followed by that same parent having to type the question into google or wikipedia to get the answer. Scary stuff...
Great rant boys. Kev, you called this quote out a couple years ago, but its very relevant here (from Californication):
"[People] seem to be getting dumber and dumber. I mean we have all this amazing technology and yet computers have turned into basically four figure wank machines. The Internet was supposed to set us free, democratize us, but all it’s really given us is Howard Dean’s aborted candidacy and 24-hour a day access to kiddie porn, you know. And people don’t write anymore, they blog; instead of talking, they text; no punctuation, no grammar. LOL this and LMFAO that. You know it just seems to me that it’s just a bunch of stupid people psuedo-communicating with a bunch of other stupid people in a proto-language that resembles more what cavemen used to speak than the king’s English."
All I know is that i would not want to be the generation growing up with Facebook, or myspace. If they had this shits when I was in high school I would have had my ass either kicked or char broiled. The last thing I would want is a photo of my shit faced self at 15, 16, 17 commented on so my parents' or their friends would see what a well behaved child looks like...(LOL, that lol is for you Kev and no I sure wasn't laughing out loud…lol…shit…hahaha…fuck) Everyone has been there and done that at that age and I do admit that some kids today have "Cool" parents that it wouldn't really bother. Mine on the other hand…nope.
ReplyDelete