All The Time in The World

A tremendous amount can be gained through perspective. A steak in cellophane, for example, does not tell the story of the slaughter house nor the wistful days spent chewing cud nor the evolution of the cow as a species.

For some perspective on the Human Experience let us first construct a large scale "timeline". One so large we could drive it. Highway 400 it is.

The 400 Highway from Barrie to the 401 in T.O. is 74kms long and at an average speed of 100 kms/hr you could traverse the entire length of this (our representative timeline) in 44.5 minutes. About 2 Family Guy episodes if you took out all the commercials.

This will represent the “Known Universe” and the basis for a little perspective.

Therefore:

Known Universe- 13.6B (13,600,000,000) years = 74kms and 44.5 mins. Our entire drive to T.O.

Now for some fun!

Earth - 4.5B years old = 24.5 kms and 14.7 mins. Roughly 1/3 of the trip is how long our beloved blue dot has existed.

Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth - 160M (160,000,000) years = 0.87kms and 30 seconds. That’s right you would cover what would seem a very large time frame in a mere half minute.

Homo sapiens – 200,000 years and counting = 92cm and 0.0375 seconds. Our entire walking upright existence is roughly the length of 1/3 of one white dash on the 400 (yes those are 10’ long) and you would drive by it faster than a blink of an eye. Actually 3X faster than the blink of an eye!

Human Civilization – 15,000 years (this is when we moved out of the caves and started bowing to Moon and Sun Gods) = 6.9cm or about the length of your pointing finger. At this point time has become absurd as it is already doubtful at 100 kms/hr you would even notice something by the road as long as your finger.

The Bible – First draft 1685 years ago = 7mm. Now this distance is half the width of a thumb nail and would be absolutely unnoticeable from our car. To call this a blip would be a remarkable affront to the word "blip".

How Long Ago Did Mankind’s Population Reach 1B – 200 years ago = less than 1mm or a single grain of salt. Also meaning if you live a full life you would be represented by less than half a grain of salt by the side of the 74 km Highway

Rate Mankind Currently Adds 1B to our Population – 12 years…about the width of a human hair.

In conclusion, on our journey to T.O. we of course noticed the time Earth has stood and we absolutely would take notice of the 30 second streak that was the tenure of the Dinos. However, by contrast Homo sapiens existence (less than a meter) would've been missed if we blinked. And our own lives (1/2 mm)...could be categorized under the unfortunate title of "Infinitesimal".

Also, annoyingly, you will have gotten that our population is out of control. It took homo sapiens 200,000 years (3 feet) to get to a number we now add in a scant 12 years (human hair thickness). Whoa.

And finally, for 99.99999990% of this timeline there was no Christianity, no Islam and no Judaism. Meaning most people today use the perception of 7mm to explain all 74 kms. Embarrassingly this perception was conceived well before books even existed (Gutenberg didn't changed that until 1439)

Of course if you are a Creationist then your perspective is the whole thing is 6000 years old...in which case please dismiss everything you just read :)

Obama - FAIL

Obama put forth his 2012 budget and the dream of “Change” is officially dead. It didn’t happen. He wasn’t what was hoped for. Sorry but that is the hard truth.

Now before Obama-ites who are still too swooned to see the big picture let’s have the disclosures. ALL politicians are terrible generally speaking, Republican and Democrats, no exceptions. Secondly he did inherit a shit storm but that meant Americans more desperately needed drastic change.

The shape of the American Economy is horrific. Gag inducingly horrific. And Obama’s inexplicably lame attempt has been to affix one of those crappy extendable umbrellas to the railing of the Titanic. It’s been useless, useless and ugly.

How horrific is the State of the Union? Their trade imbalance is history making bad, as bad as every debtor nation in the world…combined. The Fed has no room to lower the rate to stimulate. They have to print money to buy their own bonds because no other country will buy them. They lie about their inflation. Their education system is failing. They are dependent on other nations for life sustaining oil AND water. And if you taxed every American 100% they would still have a deficit.

It's Joan of Arc tied to a pillar bad.

The budget for 2012 is $3.7 Trillion. The forecast shortfall is $1.65 Trillion. That is yet another record, third consecutive record shortfall for both the nation and for Obama. Meanwhile underemployment is still near 20% for 2 years running meaning all this spending hasn’t translated to any “jobs” for the masses. How much is a $1.6 Trillion shortfall? Enough to give every American family $30,000... staggering.

Yet here we have Obama doing the rounds telling Americans enough is enough and that they are slashing spending. Is he a bloody comedian now?! He is “forecasting” $1.1 Trillion in “savings” over 10 Years. In 10 Years?! Is he serious? He doesn’t know what’ll be going on in 1 year let alone 5 or the absurd 10. His term could be up after this year. What can he know about the actions of future Presidents and Congresses?

In this year’s budget, the only one that he does have control over, the only budget that actually matters for him…he isn’t going to do a God Damned thing. Actually that isn’t fair. He’s going to make it worse. Now it’s fair. He’s going to make it worse and hide behind offensive claims on the future.

Think I’m being too harsh on Obama’s “forecasts”? Last year he forecasted a shortfall of $1.2 Trillion. It was $1.6 Trillion. He was off by $400B! That is a 33% miss in just 1 year! Hell $400B is a huge chunk of his 10 year fictitious dream.

Other Administrations are no better, Bush couldn’t even see the greatest recession since the depression coming in 2008…in 2007. These guys know nothing about the future. They only know how to lie about the future, doing nothing in the present…while everything is careening off the rails.

There are no “cuts” this year. It’s business as usual. Cook the books down the road. Lie about GDP growth, inflation and interest rates to your advantage and show a rosey future. There! We’re fixing it!

The end result is undeniable. Obama when faced with an inherited shit storm…did nothing. When the big fight was needed over entitlements and defense (more than half the budget) he did nothing. He failed. He didn’t even show up. He was a taller Bush. And the US’s economy and reality became more and more catastrophically unavoidable.

6 Best Christmas Movies of All Time

BAD SANTA

The late John Ritter and Bernie Mac shine in their supporting roles but it is Billy Bob Thornton's transcendent performance that allows us to route for this despicable person.

"Look, I’ve boned a lot of fat chicks in my time, sure. But as far as I can recall, I’ve never fornicated anybody"

THE FAMILY MAN

Nicolas Cage gets a glimpse of a life that might have been and it's more powerful than he and ultimately we the audience expects. The heart of this movie is the relationship between Cage and Leoni but it's the little girl that gives it soul.

"If you need this, Jack, if you really need this, I will take these kids from a life they love and I'll take myself from the only home we've ever shared together and I'll move wherever you need to go. I'll do that because I love you. I love you, and that's more important to me than our address. I choose us."

ELF

It may be at times a little strained however the "Baby it's Cold Outside" bathroom duet is enough for me to love this movie. Ferrell plays wide-eyed better than anyone in the business and I dare you not to smile when he's at the doctors eating cotton balls like cotton candy in front of a frustrated Caan.

"Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color?" - Buddy answering a phone

DIE HARD

The movie that made Bruce Willis a superstar still holds up astonishingly well today...and the biggest reason why (and why Die Hard 2,3 and 4 don't) is Alan Rickman. Rickman's mannered use of the English language is a special effect all it's own.

"You know my name but who are you? Just another American who saw too many movies as a child? Another orphan of a bankrupt culture who thinks he's John Wayne? Rambo? Marshal Dillon?"

NATIONAL LAMPOON'S CHRISTMAS VACATION

Remember when Chevy Chase used to be funny? Well this movie does. The best of the series by far and thanks to Randy Quaid as Eddie, an unmissable classic. Here is Eddie explaining to Clark about the plate in his head:

"Every time Catherine revved up the microwave, I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour or so."

LOVE ACTUALLY

A movie with 8 different vignettes that leaves some viewers indifferent overall is still one of my favorites. And it all comes down to the final words by Grant. A reminder that although disperate in appearance we all take part in the human experience.

"Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinions starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspicion... love actually is all around"

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Your Friends at THE BANK