Friday, December 24, 2010

6 Best Christmas Movies of All Time

BAD SANTA

The late John Ritter and Bernie Mac shine in their supporting roles but it is Billy Bob Thornton's transcendent performance that allows us to route for this despicable person.

"Look, I’ve boned a lot of fat chicks in my time, sure. But as far as I can recall, I’ve never fornicated anybody"


THE FAMILY MAN

Nicolas Cage gets a glimpse of a life that might have been and it's more powerful than he and ultimately we the audience expects. The heart of this movie is the relationship between Cage and Leoni but it's the little girl that gives it soul.

"If you need this, Jack, if you really need this, I will take these kids from a life they love and I'll take myself from the only home we've ever shared together and I'll move wherever you need to go. I'll do that because I love you. I love you, and that's more important to me than our address. I choose us."



ELF


It may be at times a little strained however the "Baby it's Cold Outside" bathroom duet is enough for me to love this movie. Ferrell plays wide-eyed better than anyone in the business and I dare you not to smile when he's at the doctors eating cotton balls like cotton candy in front of a frustrated Caan.

"Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color?" - Buddy answering a phone


DIE HARD


The movie that made Bruce Willis a superstar still holds up astonishingly well today...and the biggest reason why (and why Die Hard 2,3 and 4 don't) is Alan Rickman. Rickman's mannered use of the English language is a special effect all it's own.

"You know my name but who are you? Just another American who saw too many movies as a child? Another orphan of a bankrupt culture who thinks he's John Wayne? Rambo? Marshal Dillon?"


NATIONAL LAMPOON'S CHRISTMAS VACATION


Remember when Chevy Chase used to be funny? Well this movie does. The best of the series by far and thanks to Randy Quaid as Eddie, an unmissable classic. Here is Eddie explaining to Clark about the plate in his head:

"Every time Catherine revved up the microwave, I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour or so."


LOVE ACTUALLY


A movie with 8 different vignettes that leaves some viewers indifferent overall is still one of my favorites. And it all comes down to the final words by Grant. A reminder that although disperate in appearance we all take part in the human experience.

"Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinions starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspicion... love actually is all around"


Merry Christmas Everyone!


Your Friends at THE BANK

Monday, December 20, 2010

Thanks For The Memories 2010

BEST PICTURES of 2010


Sydney Crosby had virtually every Canadian on their feet simultaneously. Man hugs, beer spilling and fist pumping also set records that day in Canada.


This is the Carina Nebula. A 3 light year tall tower of dust and gas giving birth to stars. 3 light years btw, is 30 trillion kilometers (1600 times the width of our solar system). Amazing what God can do in in just 6000 years...uhem.




Prince William and Kate Middleton announced their engagement last month. Don't think that is a big deal? 1 in 6 people on the planet tuned in to watch his father marry Princess Diana. When you add in radio listers the number swells to 1 in 4. Trust me, when this wedding goes down...your girlfriend/wife will be watching and you'll "pretend" to not really care.



A supercell on a Montana prairie. This is what happens when a single person prays too hard for rain.


A man douses himself in flammable liquid, sets himself alight and jumps to his death from the Freedom Bridge in Budapest, Hungary. Not the way I'd chose to go if I'm honest.




James Cameron (director of the largest grossing film of all time: Avatar) kids around with his ex-wife Kathryn Bigelow who won the Best Picture Oscar for "The Hurt Locker". Or as I like to call it "The Shit Locker". What a terrible movie. James stop kidding and finish it!


The worst environmental disaster in American history unleashed 200,000,000 barrels of oil off Louisiana. Is it just me or are there an awful lot of "worst in history" benchmarks being set lately?



Chi Chi Chi Le Le Le. 33 miners were plucked from almost a kilometer underground after living in a dank hole for 69 days. These guys couldn't wait to get home to all those mistresses. Turns out Chilean miners are horny liars. But hey welcome back fellas!


These whale watchers in South Africa got a little too close to the action when a 40-ton whale jumped out of the ocean and onto the deck of the boat. All were fine except the boat. It looked like Rhianna after a Chris Brown reunion.


A young woman lies on the grave of U.S. Marine Lance Cpl. Noah Pier (25) in Arlington National Cemetery. Pier was killed February 16th in Afghanistan. I find this picture haunting. The tragedy is mixed with a serene beauty. I found myself imagining who this woman was and will she find the comfort this picture implies.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Once More Into The Breach Dear Friends


After a 24+ hour dumping in our lovely snowbelt, we collectively wondered if it could get any worse.

Then it of course…it did.

The temperature rose and still more snow fell but this time it was the slushy backbreaking kind. And we wondered if it could get any worse.

Then of course…it did.

This time a cold snap descended upon us, instantly turning that thick wet veneer of snow into an impenetrable layer of fortified ice suitable for an American tank.

However yesterday and today are the Holy Grail of life in Barrie…a bitterly strong wind…with snow. This manages to create the beloved drifts that contour our landscape like a sub-zero Sahara. This exasperates the OCD shoveler as all clean/low spots instantly fill with a surging tide of unending and unyielding snow.

This is what forges the character of Canadian Belters. It separates the men from the boys and the women from the women who are uncomfortably good at sports. When the going gets tough, the tough curse, swear and shovel some more.

Many Belters hit the ski hills this time of year. Unfortunately for me I do not enjoy winter sport. I find them…well, cold. It never made much sense to me to exacerbate this frigid situation but adding speed and therefore windchill. Therefore I do as indigenous bears do. I hibernate and dream of green grass and warm winds.

Although I’m not proud of my decidedly duck and cover approach…I see I’m not alone. Facebook “Countown Status Season” is upon us. As other dreamers book vacation getaways, they pacify themselves with counting the days to this temporary liberation.

However we all know the truth. We are going to end up right back here and tormented for much longer yet…like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day or a wedding speech that begins with “I’m not very good at these”.

Trips of course carry with them the double wammy of spending our much coveted dollars, coupled with the inaction of not earning. Not an ideal long term solution. So is there another more consistent form of escape?

No. Not really.

Studies show we watch a hell of a lot more TV this time of year, clearly another by-product of my fellow hibernators. Reading books and exercise also gain slight upticks, but let’s be honest these aren’t as high up the list as we would like to pretend at cocktail parties. Cocktail parties being another activity none of us really partake in.

No I think what we do best as Canadians is grin and bear it. Buck up and get through it. It is what it is. Like death, taxes and a Chris Rock movie.

However this is what makes up the sour and the sweet of life. By braving the hardships of winter we can now truly appreciate and enjoy those idyllic summer nights.

Sure there will be days when our hands are so cold they ache; When we can’t shake a chill to the bone; When sniffing becomes a cadence in casual conversation that we not only accept but become oblivious to. Days that have heart pounding moments when our cars lose grip in such a way that impact seems imminent.

This is what binds us as Canadians. Better even…Belters. We endure, persevere and earn the right come summer time to say “This is a beauty fucking day”. For we know what a shitty day is. We know what a 100 shitty days strung together are.

So pass us a cold beer, pull back the deck chair and let me enjoy this moment more than any Californian could ever dare.

We may be at war right now my fellow Canadians, shoulder to shoulder in the foxhole, but with each passing day we get ever closer to our salvation…to victory.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Now That's More Like it


Smoking a cigar is how my friends and I like to start a night out. It’s a great way to get our pump primed and to loosen up the mental dexterity.

This time of year we huddle around a fire and discuss the week that was. Some of it is simply catching up and can be tedious but mostly we talk about the big things that effect us all: The Economy. Religion. Politics.

People will tell you these are topics to be avoided because fundamentally most people have very disparate views at the outset. For example when we talk politics, we don’t want to piss away precious time with a pom-pom flailing cheerleader spewing useless logo loyalty and party platforms.

Politicians by their very self-serving nature are broken so comparing Conservatives to Liberals is as useless as painting walls to distract us from the dog dragging its arse across the carpet.

Do you know what it is I am getting at?

A meaningful conversation is challenging and fulfilling, so you don’t want it high-jacked by disjointed lunacy.

“Georgian Bay used to be under a Himalayan like mountain 1.5 Billion years ago which explains...” only to be cut off with “The earth is only 6000 years old”. Bloody hell

That person is in the wrong group.

Why waste everybody’s time? Why discuss world poverty with most billionaires? A person buying a painted canvas at Sotheby’s for $100 Million is not going to yield fertile ground on this subject. “19,000 kids starve to death a day you say? What a shame. At least I have this $100M painty-bit.”

It’s just better to be around those on the same page. Don’t get me wrong, diversity adds greatly to the depth of a conversation but let’s not have somebody bringing a chainsaw to a vasectomy.

This brings me to The Bank of course.

We go to different bars for different reasons. Sometimes it is to watch a game while enjoying wings, or to have a drink after a hard day at work, or to let loose and meet people we will like.

The Bank was built for the latter.

The Bank is the place we go when we dress up a little and want to engage people on that same page. People that share the idea that their night is for fun not fighting. For being respectful not belligerent. For feeling safe not threatened. For those that want to let loose…not drink to oblivion and vomit stain a poor defenseless bathroom.

I find I have a better time at The Bank then I have ever had at any other bar in any other City. That is not nepotism talking, that is my honest feeling. And it’s not the venue…it’s the people.

It’s really nice being surrounded by people I’d share a cigar with.